Cuz I'm smooooooooth.
I'm at the Y as I tend to find myself on a Sunday morning. And the crazy spin class people are calling to reserve a bike for tomorrow's classes. They're junkies and I give them their fix...
At a relatively slow moment today, I took a call from a regular who...well, I'll just say that I have a teeny crush on...I think she's married and it would be creepy to flapjack a member of the Y while working. But I was feeling a little daring.
So she called and asked if there was any room in the afternoon spin class.
Now here's where the story gets a little hazy. Because I can't quite remember which of the following I said:
Response 1: Of course. There's always room for you.
Response 2: Of course. I always have a seat for you.
Now, I'm sure you can see that Response 2 is far more creepier. I just can't remember which one I actually said. I'm pretty sure it was the first, but....
Velvet.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Indulgence
This is going to be a bit long...and maybe rambling. But I'm basically using this blog to work something out in my head. You can read all the way through, read it in parts or just skip it all together, but it's something that I need to do.
I had to scrap the lesson I had planned for school today. The first thing a student asked me at the beginning of my first class was, "Is Obama going to take all our money and give it to hobos?"
On this stupid island, homeless people are called hobos. I don't know why. We don't have trains. But no one wants to hear it from a dumb houlie.
So instead of what I planned, we spent the whole hour - for each of my 3 classes - talking about the election and what it meant. I think I was as neutral as I could be, but not to the point of accepting the lies of either side. I acknowledged the historic perspective of the election, but I also pointed out that since last night and this morning, there have been people who have called "nigger" (note: not "my nigga"). There have been people who have been discriminated against because of the color of their skin, or their gender or some other stupid reason. This election doesn't "fix" anything. It is a step in creating a better society.
Then, I made sure my kids understood that all the extremes that people are worried about (on both sides) are not going to happen. This guy is calm, efficient and centrist. All your money isn't going to hobos and we're not pulling our troops out of anywhere. Christ, there's rumors he wants to ask Colin Powell to be Secretary of Education. Huh?
I shake my head at people who call themselves progressives who think this is the second coming. And in the last 24 hours I've seen my...uh...man, I'm trying to get away from labels...friends who disagree, say that our country is in trouble now.
Now, I know that some of you (and you know who you are) think my - as Nart called it last week - fundamentalist lefty ways are quaint. I've been condescended to a few times and I've pretty much shrugged it off. But seriously, how could this country get into worse trouble? Forget about who's to blame - exactly how is it going to get worse? I don't make more than I did before and my taxes have never been higher. We've been in two mistakes of a war for a long time. Do you think Obama is going to bring us a third? We give billions in free money to corporations. It doesn't trickle down. Exactly what is it you are afraid of?
I promised my students that in whatever time Obama is in office, that if at some point, this country has real, socialistic, universal health care, I will change my registration to Democrat and stay that way for the rest of my life.
I'm not sweating it.
I'm used to the media dismissing Green candidates, but the silence about Cynthia McKinney was absolutely deafening. I mean it had to be, because she was the only one putting it on both the R's & D's and the media, whether it be Fox, NBC, CNN, HuffingtonPost, whomever wanted nothing to do with the truth. And I'm sorry, but she was speaking the truth.
OK...I'll get off this and switch to something we can all agree is more important...me.
So what's a fundamentalist lefty to do?
I sent an e-mail to a few folks, some of you who read this on occasion, telling you that I'll be home for good on Christmas. One response not-so-subtly hinted that I should show up and re-take over the local Greens, as if that's what I wanted to happen before. That's not going to happen. In fact, I don't think that's going to be my future direction.
Again, I'm still working through this in my head. I called somebody up a few weeks ago to bounce the idea of going Dem and running for office in the city. That way I could get in and really change things. The more I let that run around my head, the less that appealed to me. Running as a Green doesn't appeal to me either. Oh, I still agree with the Green's platform, but I think it's just butting your head against a wall. The refusal to see more than 2 parties is stronger than ever.
There's the non-political activist route, which is vital, but I do firmly believe that there won't be real, humanistic change without change in the structure in our political system. It affects our politics (duh), but it also affects any non-political change as well. If you want to change your neighborhood, you have governmental hoops you have to jump through. Politics.
So now I'm thinking...what can be done to change the political landscape in Rochester? Run for office or run another campaign? I don't think so. But is there something that can change the way elections are run, something that is being used already in cities in the US that is proven to increase participation in government and increase discussion over solutions to problems? Why, yes there is.
But that's not enough to satisfy me. Nope. I got involved in politics and activism because I recognize that people are suffering, and they don't need to be. Many of us are not able to put themselves into generations of poverty and discrimination and think about the affect that has on mindset. I have. So something needs to be done relatively quick to break that. Can it be done quickly on a macro level? Well, yeah, but it ain't going to happen. So how can I help deal with that on a micro level? Is there something I can do that helps people take care of the basics: food, jobs, health care, education, etc? Why, yes there is.
I think it's going to be pretty interesting when I get back. But first I need a freakin job.
I had to scrap the lesson I had planned for school today. The first thing a student asked me at the beginning of my first class was, "Is Obama going to take all our money and give it to hobos?"
So instead of what I planned, we spent the whole hour - for each of my 3 classes - talking about the election and what it meant. I think I was as neutral as I could be, but not to the point of accepting the lies of either side. I acknowledged the historic perspective of the election, but I also pointed out that since last night and this morning, there have been people who have called "nigger" (note: not "my nigga"). There have been people who have been discriminated against because of the color of their skin, or their gender or some other stupid reason. This election doesn't "fix" anything. It is a step in creating a better society.
Then, I made sure my kids understood that all the extremes that people are worried about (on both sides) are not going to happen. This guy is calm, efficient and centrist. All your money isn't going to hobos and we're not pulling our troops out of anywhere. Christ, there's rumors he wants to ask Colin Powell to be Secretary of Education. Huh?
I shake my head at people who call themselves progressives who think this is the second coming. And in the last 24 hours I've seen my...uh...man, I'm trying to get away from labels...friends who disagree, say that our country is in trouble now.
Now, I know that some of you (and you know who you are) think my - as Nart called it last week - fundamentalist lefty ways are quaint. I've been condescended to a few times and I've pretty much shrugged it off. But seriously, how could this country get into worse trouble? Forget about who's to blame - exactly how is it going to get worse? I don't make more than I did before and my taxes have never been higher. We've been in two mistakes of a war for a long time. Do you think Obama is going to bring us a third? We give billions in free money to corporations. It doesn't trickle down. Exactly what is it you are afraid of?
I promised my students that in whatever time Obama is in office, that if at some point, this country has real, socialistic, universal health care, I will change my registration to Democrat and stay that way for the rest of my life.
I'm not sweating it.
I'm used to the media dismissing Green candidates, but the silence about Cynthia McKinney was absolutely deafening. I mean it had to be, because she was the only one putting it on both the R's & D's and the media, whether it be Fox, NBC, CNN, HuffingtonPost, whomever wanted nothing to do with the truth. And I'm sorry, but she was speaking the truth.
OK...I'll get off this and switch to something we can all agree is more important...me.
So what's a fundamentalist lefty to do?
I sent an e-mail to a few folks, some of you who read this on occasion, telling you that I'll be home for good on Christmas. One response not-so-subtly hinted that I should show up and re-take over the local Greens, as if that's what I wanted to happen before. That's not going to happen. In fact, I don't think that's going to be my future direction.
Again, I'm still working through this in my head. I called somebody up a few weeks ago to bounce the idea of going Dem and running for office in the city. That way I could get in and really change things. The more I let that run around my head, the less that appealed to me. Running as a Green doesn't appeal to me either. Oh, I still agree with the Green's platform, but I think it's just butting your head against a wall. The refusal to see more than 2 parties is stronger than ever.
There's the non-political activist route, which is vital, but I do firmly believe that there won't be real, humanistic change without change in the structure in our political system. It affects our politics (duh), but it also affects any non-political change as well. If you want to change your neighborhood, you have governmental hoops you have to jump through. Politics.
So now I'm thinking...what can be done to change the political landscape in Rochester? Run for office or run another campaign? I don't think so. But is there something that can change the way elections are run, something that is being used already in cities in the US that is proven to increase participation in government and increase discussion over solutions to problems? Why, yes there is.
But that's not enough to satisfy me. Nope. I got involved in politics and activism because I recognize that people are suffering, and they don't need to be. Many of us are not able to put themselves into generations of poverty and discrimination and think about the affect that has on mindset. I have. So something needs to be done relatively quick to break that. Can it be done quickly on a macro level? Well, yeah, but it ain't going to happen. So how can I help deal with that on a micro level? Is there something I can do that helps people take care of the basics: food, jobs, health care, education, etc? Why, yes there is.
I think it's going to be pretty interesting when I get back. But first I need a freakin job.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
What the???
Today was just a messed up day.
I got to school in a relatively decent mood. Then people had to show up. Seems that the schedule we agreed on had been revised 3 or 4 times...since yesterday. I was actually scheduled to teach today ( ! ) and I did, but at every step I had to find other teachers to ask what the hell was going on, who was doing what and for how long. In spite of that, I actually got some work done with kids that helped them with their projects that I'm really not involved with. In my mind anyway, after lunch I was supposed to work with one group of kids for the last 2 hours. I didn't have to, but it worked out that they had nothing scheduled and needed something and I didn't have to chauffeur anyone at that time so I jumped on it. I spent a couple of hours last night getting this cool role play ready and right after lunch I'm told that my lesson was scrapped.
I threw a fit. Not a big fit. Not a hissy fit. But an unprofessional fit. And while I was in the staff office when I threw it, for some unexplained reason, there was a bunch of kids in there. It was just all my professional frustration...day-after-day of not knowing what we were doing; of things in constant flux and I lost it.
I will say this about my co-workers...they sure do give in to dramatics. It has never failed. I don't calculate this stuff, but whenever I go diva, I get what I want. But honestly, my diva-ness only comes out when there's prolonged incompetence. But I'm sure Whitney says that, too.
So I did my lesson. It was chaotic and I had a hard time keeping them in control, but in the end it went well and all the kids enjoyed it and I think my academic propaganda got through. And so the day ended. Or so I thought....
Kids are being kids...acting all crazy as it's time to leave. I go out into the hall and there's one of my lovely little children. Now, confidentiality issues mean I can't go into too much detail here, but this kid is one of our..."special" kids. He's very awkward socially, a bit defiant. He's a borderline Hillside kid. Maybe a day treatment kid. But to the layperson, he's weird and a bit of a dick.
So the kid comes up to me in the hall and says:
Kid: I heard we don't have school tomorrow because it's Halloween.
Mr. A: I don't know about that, but the teachers have an all-day training. It may have been scheduled for tomorrow because of that, but I don't know if that's the reason.
Kid: Oh...OK. [Mr. A turns to walk away] Mr. Atias?
Mr. A: [Turns around to face Kid] Yeah?
Kid: Would you like a massage? I give massages.
Mr. A: [Extremely awkward pause followed by response using a volume level that showed uncomfortableness] No thanks! I'm good! See ya tomorrow!
[End scene.]
Where the fuck did that come from? Every teacher in the program I told this to had dumbfounded looks on their faces.
FIRST IT WAS WOMEN, NOW I'M TURNING PRE-PUBESCENT BOYS GAY!!!!
I sure wish I could harness this power I seem to have.
***************************************************************
I was going to end the post here, but I thought I should elaborate just so no one gets the wrong idea.
I really can't go into details about the kid, but let's just say that anything involving physical contact with any human is out of character for him. And he doesn't initiate interactions unless he wants something. Our reactions were not about the possible orientation issues, but more of the special ed issues. The fact that it involved borderline hitting on a teacher is secondary.
I got to school in a relatively decent mood. Then people had to show up. Seems that the schedule we agreed on had been revised 3 or 4 times...since yesterday. I was actually scheduled to teach today ( ! ) and I did, but at every step I had to find other teachers to ask what the hell was going on, who was doing what and for how long. In spite of that, I actually got some work done with kids that helped them with their projects that I'm really not involved with. In my mind anyway, after lunch I was supposed to work with one group of kids for the last 2 hours. I didn't have to, but it worked out that they had nothing scheduled and needed something and I didn't have to chauffeur anyone at that time so I jumped on it. I spent a couple of hours last night getting this cool role play ready and right after lunch I'm told that my lesson was scrapped.
I threw a fit. Not a big fit. Not a hissy fit. But an unprofessional fit. And while I was in the staff office when I threw it, for some unexplained reason, there was a bunch of kids in there. It was just all my professional frustration...day-after-day of not knowing what we were doing; of things in constant flux and I lost it.
I will say this about my co-workers...they sure do give in to dramatics. It has never failed. I don't calculate this stuff, but whenever I go diva, I get what I want. But honestly, my diva-ness only comes out when there's prolonged incompetence. But I'm sure Whitney says that, too.
So I did my lesson. It was chaotic and I had a hard time keeping them in control, but in the end it went well and all the kids enjoyed it and I think my academic propaganda got through. And so the day ended. Or so I thought....
Kids are being kids...acting all crazy as it's time to leave. I go out into the hall and there's one of my lovely little children. Now, confidentiality issues mean I can't go into too much detail here, but this kid is one of our..."special" kids. He's very awkward socially, a bit defiant. He's a borderline Hillside kid. Maybe a day treatment kid. But to the layperson, he's weird and a bit of a dick.
So the kid comes up to me in the hall and says:
Kid: I heard we don't have school tomorrow because it's Halloween.
Mr. A: I don't know about that, but the teachers have an all-day training. It may have been scheduled for tomorrow because of that, but I don't know if that's the reason.
Kid: Oh...OK. [Mr. A turns to walk away] Mr. Atias?
Mr. A: [Turns around to face Kid] Yeah?
Kid: Would you like a massage? I give massages.
Mr. A: [Extremely awkward pause followed by response using a volume level that showed uncomfortableness] No thanks! I'm good! See ya tomorrow!
[End scene.]
Where the fuck did that come from? Every teacher in the program I told this to had dumbfounded looks on their faces.
FIRST IT WAS WOMEN, NOW I'M TURNING PRE-PUBESCENT BOYS GAY!!!!
I sure wish I could harness this power I seem to have.
***************************************************************
I was going to end the post here, but I thought I should elaborate just so no one gets the wrong idea.
I really can't go into details about the kid, but let's just say that anything involving physical contact with any human is out of character for him. And he doesn't initiate interactions unless he wants something. Our reactions were not about the possible orientation issues, but more of the special ed issues. The fact that it involved borderline hitting on a teacher is secondary.
This Is Your Life
Whoa...
So Nart sent me an e-mail giving me a rundown of what he's been up to for the past...oh...20 years. Hmmm...uh...kinda makes my stuff look pretty insignificant. So, when it was my turn to let him know what I've been doing. It was actually kinda sad.
For better or worse, I highly recommend that you do what I just did. Type or write as if you were telling someone you haven't seen for 20 years...what have you been up to during that time. I just finished, so I'm still kind of distilling it, but it was humbling.
I was going to post what I sent in that e-mail, but eh...for right now I prefer to inflict my pathos on one person at a time.
So Nart sent me an e-mail giving me a rundown of what he's been up to for the past...oh...20 years. Hmmm...uh...kinda makes my stuff look pretty insignificant. So, when it was my turn to let him know what I've been doing. It was actually kinda sad.
For better or worse, I highly recommend that you do what I just did. Type or write as if you were telling someone you haven't seen for 20 years...what have you been up to during that time. I just finished, so I'm still kind of distilling it, but it was humbling.
I was going to post what I sent in that e-mail, but eh...for right now I prefer to inflict my pathos on one person at a time.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Joys of Cyberstalking
Yeah, I know. It's creepy, but come on, like other things that no one talks about, we all do it. I have no idea where I am on the spectrum, but I admit, from time-to-time I'll try to find an old friend. It rarely pays off, but what it lacks in quantity, usually gets made up for in quality.
I don't think anyone's going to remember this reference...maybe my Mom...maybe Ed. But back in the Syracuse days I had a roommate who was from Jordan. His father was the Jordanian ambassador to France, so he spent breaks in Paris...the poor bastard. After I left, he was the one person I went back to visit, but eventually lost touch with him. I did have a phone number for his family in Amman (I'm finding it spelled 2 different ways)...and when I was living with Ed on Edmonds Street, the US started bombing Jordan for some reason...as if we ever need a reason to bomb anyone... I was laid up with a busted ankle and drunk and called him to see if he was OK...at 3am his time, waking up his family. Sound familiar, Felix?
Anyway, while I remember him with his underwear on his head in college (and other things I'd rather not mention) he ended up becoming this serious big-wig for a major Arab news agency. Dude was never into journalism. [Correction: wait a minute...he majored in journalism...I don't remember him going to class...oh wait...that was me...nevermind] As I've cyberstalked him over the years, I noticed that he's getting interviewed by CNN and others on serious stuff...and I'm thinking...I remember that guy puking...and other things I'd rather not mention.
The funny thing was, I could not find contact info for the guy. No matter what I did...nothing. So this past weekend I thought I'd throw his name into Google once again. Seems that he has a new gig working for Reuters in London. There was some conference where he was speaking...did I mention that I remember the cast of his broken leg banging against the wall when he was having sex with his girlfriend...and other things I don't want to talk about.
So I found a generic e-mail address for a conference that was over months ago and sent them a note asking that if they had dude's e-mail, if they could forward mine to him, blah, blah, blah. When I woke up this morning this was in my mailbox:
Today was the first time I was in a genuinely good mood in a long time. Even the chaos at work didn't matter. I sure hope this isn't the start of some kind of bromance.
Just kidding, I was just trying to find a way to use the word "bromance". But whether he knows it or not, Nart was really influential for me on how I see the world. Oh, I don't think we agree on a lot of stuff, but it definitely gave me perspective. And I remember his laugh...it was really distinctive.
Oh my God, this is a bromance!
Seriously, just kidding.
I don't think anyone's going to remember this reference...maybe my Mom...maybe Ed. But back in the Syracuse days I had a roommate who was from Jordan. His father was the Jordanian ambassador to France, so he spent breaks in Paris...the poor bastard. After I left, he was the one person I went back to visit, but eventually lost touch with him. I did have a phone number for his family in Amman (I'm finding it spelled 2 different ways)...and when I was living with Ed on Edmonds Street, the US started bombing Jordan for some reason...as if we ever need a reason to bomb anyone... I was laid up with a busted ankle and drunk and called him to see if he was OK...at 3am his time, waking up his family. Sound familiar, Felix?
Anyway, while I remember him with his underwear on his head in college (and other things I'd rather not mention) he ended up becoming this serious big-wig for a major Arab news agency. Dude was never into journalism. [Correction: wait a minute...he majored in journalism...I don't remember him going to class...oh wait...that was me...nevermind] As I've cyberstalked him over the years, I noticed that he's getting interviewed by CNN and others on serious stuff...and I'm thinking...I remember that guy puking...and other things I'd rather not mention.
The funny thing was, I could not find contact info for the guy. No matter what I did...nothing. So this past weekend I thought I'd throw his name into Google once again. Seems that he has a new gig working for Reuters in London. There was some conference where he was speaking...did I mention that I remember the cast of his broken leg banging against the wall when he was having sex with his girlfriend...and other things I don't want to talk about.
So I found a generic e-mail address for a conference that was over months ago and sent them a note asking that if they had dude's e-mail, if they could forward mine to him, blah, blah, blah. When I woke up this morning this was in my mailbox:
You have no idea how many times I have tried to find you! I even tried to find people who might give me your news but with no luck. So much to tell you, but wanted to drop a quick line to establish contact. Tell me everything..
Well done going through ABF and all the best
Nart
Today was the first time I was in a genuinely good mood in a long time. Even the chaos at work didn't matter. I sure hope this isn't the start of some kind of bromance.
Just kidding, I was just trying to find a way to use the word "bromance". But whether he knows it or not, Nart was really influential for me on how I see the world. Oh, I don't think we agree on a lot of stuff, but it definitely gave me perspective. And I remember his laugh...it was really distinctive.
Oh my God, this is a bromance!
Seriously, just kidding.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Half-Empty or Half-Full
I'm going to go with half-full today.
I had to do laundry before work. Right before I left, I did a quick financial inventory...supposed I wanted to leave here in December, even if I didn't have a job. Hmmmm...not that possible. I haven't been getting my debt lowered as much as I wanted to. So I resigned myself to - if I can get a job before December, then I'll leave.
So I went to the laundromat. What has been a habit, if I'm doing laundry in the morning or early afternoon, I usually give Jimena a call, though I was a bit hesitant. I know I've said this a million times, but I truly am getting tired of using my friends (and this blog) as just people to bitch to. But again, a habit is a habit.
As usual, our conversation went well. She doesn't seem to mind my grumpiness. But when I told her about not being able to come back no matter what she started questioning me on that. So, I don't know if it's going to happen (it would mean a longer stint in the Kaminski guest room), but it did get me a bit motivated.
Today's pretty dead at the Y - I'm there now - so I've spent most of my time applying for more gigs. The Center for Youth Services, the United Way & Continuing Developmental Services (CDS). I also did a little online research as to what I may get for my car...from what I still owe, I'm going to get spanked on that no matter when I leave.
Each Friday...when we have our staff meeting at school, to plan the next week, I get more fed up. I can't believe that anyone would think we're doing what's best for our kids. The sad thing is, looking at the state of education in Hawaii, we're not really that bad. But I can't work like this. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing on a day-to-day basis. I didn't even work like that when I was in a cottage at Hillside.
But I'm going to keep cranking out those resumes and we'll see what happens. I have less than a month until I have to start giving notices (job & apt) if I'm going to leave in December.
I had to do laundry before work. Right before I left, I did a quick financial inventory...supposed I wanted to leave here in December, even if I didn't have a job. Hmmmm...not that possible. I haven't been getting my debt lowered as much as I wanted to. So I resigned myself to - if I can get a job before December, then I'll leave.
So I went to the laundromat. What has been a habit, if I'm doing laundry in the morning or early afternoon, I usually give Jimena a call, though I was a bit hesitant. I know I've said this a million times, but I truly am getting tired of using my friends (and this blog) as just people to bitch to. But again, a habit is a habit.
As usual, our conversation went well. She doesn't seem to mind my grumpiness. But when I told her about not being able to come back no matter what she started questioning me on that. So, I don't know if it's going to happen (it would mean a longer stint in the Kaminski guest room), but it did get me a bit motivated.
Today's pretty dead at the Y - I'm there now - so I've spent most of my time applying for more gigs. The Center for Youth Services, the United Way & Continuing Developmental Services (CDS). I also did a little online research as to what I may get for my car...from what I still owe, I'm going to get spanked on that no matter when I leave.
Each Friday...when we have our staff meeting at school, to plan the next week, I get more fed up. I can't believe that anyone would think we're doing what's best for our kids. The sad thing is, looking at the state of education in Hawaii, we're not really that bad. But I can't work like this. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing on a day-to-day basis. I didn't even work like that when I was in a cottage at Hillside.
But I'm going to keep cranking out those resumes and we'll see what happens. I have less than a month until I have to start giving notices (job & apt) if I'm going to leave in December.
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